“What’s the purpose of my life? What next?” Call it midlife crisis, man-you-lost-it, decision-constipation or “inner awakening”; I think we all tend to reflect on this question at some point in time. It could take a lifetime and beyond to figure this out.
“Seeking” an answer is like a two-edged sword. It can make you bleed and not improve your status quo or it can help you to be incisive and cut through the mire of confusion. I’m no sage or guru, but let me share how I have come to deal with this question in a way that offers more clarity than fogginess. For the records, it is on a lovely bright Saturday morning that I am writing this piece, coffee being my preferred libation at this time of day and not my otherwise favorite strain of single malt whisky! In other words, I’m very sober as I delve into metaphysical domain!!
I have whittled down the basis of my thought process to one word: reason. There’s always a reason, whether we know if or not, why we do things in certain ways and at certain times, all completely dictated by the circumstances. Causes drive the reasons we behave in certain ways; the behaviors then create the causes for future behaviors resulting in an multi-dimensional web of cause-and-effect interactions. When I think about this even more, it helps me play back my entire life and see how it has unfolded to this moment. I can, in my mind, literally replay all the major cause-effect events in my life and begin to understand the reasons why I am where I am today. Wow! That was, my reaction when this self-revelation dawned on me a couple of years ago. It opened my mind to much deeper understanding, all resulting in a comfortable state of equanimity that I experience today. Let me drill down further. First I’ll explain my framework for reasoning through this concept. Then I’ll tie it back to our seminal question – “What’s the purpose of life? What next?”
Reasons (for behavior) are driven by causes, right? A cause has two subtle components to it: the event that seeming gives rise to the cause (perceived source) and one’s reaction that the event evokes (relative strength of the cause or one’s “attachment index”). Thus a single event can evoke at least a million reactions in a million people. Also, an event can be of two types: dependent event and independent event. How one labels an event as dependent or independent is subjective and is self-defined by the “strength” of the reaction evoked. For example, if a family member dies, we are deeply affected (“dependent cause” for mourning). When we read that some celebrity dies, we do not necessarily get affected (“independent” cause and the reactive behavior being largely “unaffected”). The event (someone dying) is not in my control. But how I react to it (the effect on me) is under my control. The intensity of the reaction is a function of the relative strength or “attachment” index between the cause and the effect. Depending on how I control the effect of the event on me, I can spawn more causes (sympathy, empathy, anger, compassion) on myself and others for future behavior. So now, new causes are driven by my own reactionary behavior which become the “new” reasons for my life going forward.
Source: http://connie-gulick.com/images/cause-effectB.png
I’ve come to learn that such never-ending sequences of cause-effect interactions were created and continue to be created by the figments of my imagination, completely contrived by my mind (ah! the fool in me!!). This goes to say that, unbeknownst to me till recently, I am the Picasso of my life! Guided by an invisible hand, I painted my own murals and will paint more as long as I live.
This begs another interesting thought. Do my murals have clues and messages deftly concealed within them that my ignorance is unable to perceive? Quite so, I believe. The sequences of causes and effects that we set in motion since birth travel so far and wide that we have no conception of its reach. What we did 20 years ago bears effect today; the effects of what we do today will become apparent 20 years hence. Without this awareness, our mind is a short-termer that is unable to come to grips with the multiple dimensions of the cause-effect web. Hence the mental aberrations that beget more aberrations with no end in sight.
“What’s the purpose of life? What next?” This is where and how I ended up a couple of years ago in my earthly sojourn. When I was ready, life, the great teacher, appeared. Through a multitude of experiences, successes, failures, introspection, observations, readings and discussions I learned what I know and share today. Not that it is new insight to the human race, but it is now truly mine, internalized and making me who I am today and steering how I live my life. I now look at my own life murals with a different eye and am amazed at the insights that they reveal; my childhood, youth, school, college, teachers, parents, spouse, children, siblings, friends, relatives, strangers, work, travels, home, health, career, stuff, responsibilities – all intricately woven with meaning over time.
What seemed random isn’t anymore. I now see many of the causes (dependent and independent) that became the inspirations for my life murals. Many times I was not even aware of this creativity at work, silently in the background, one event at a time. They gave me reasons, and continue to, for my expression through life. I am awake and alive to the understanding that I, today, am experiencing the combined effects of my perceivable past. I am very happy about the murals that I have created and thank the Creator for making me realize that I held the brush and palette all the time!
“What’s the purpose of life? What next?” It is what I want to make of it. With brush and palette in my hand, what I paint is completely up to me. The future is a verdant, undulating expanse of endless possibilities; I am aware and alive in the moment which is so rife with ideas to create a life with reason.
My Journey Of Gratitude 
